YOU DON’T LOOK A DAY OVER YOU

When an older woman, (I make no apologies for concentrating on the female gender), dresses in a certain way, has a certain hairstyle, applies makeup in a particular way (or wears none at all) she is being herself. The same self that she was at 18 or 20 or 30.  Furthermore, the ‘self’ she is projecting is a far more defined and powerful image than that of the younger version, because despite all the brainwashing to the contrary, age brings several advantages over youth. More confidence, less confusion, less fear of people’s opinions, the ability to know who you are and what you want and to be it and demand it.  You have learned from all your experiences and used that knowledge to overcome some of life’s difficulties.

When I apply my signature black eyeliner and check my black (now tattooed on) eyebrows and enjoy that rather bold sultry look – I’m satisfied and even pleased with what I see. When I dress in black leggings and some random black or red top, usually  with an offbeat look to it and usually one of the several versions of smart black boots I possess chosen for comfort as well as ‘coolness’, (I don’t do tottering in high heels or short sausage skin dresses,)  I am in my zone.

 When I’m dancing my jazz moves or imitating street dance (not that well) around the kitchen with my MP3 blaring out an electro beat or a hip hop classic or an old school funk tune in my ears, it is because it lifts my very soul. Great music is an addiction and I can’t imagine life without it.

I find certain looks in men attractive, certain personality traits.  I have certain sexual preferences, fantasies (no details, but there is nothing wrong with my libido).  I want to be attractive, but I rebel against what fashion or society say I should look like, in fact I tend to rebel against things that ‘everyone’ is doing or saying unless it happens to be my thing.  I have always been this way, only now I have the confidence to relinquish doubt about who I am and I don’t worry about what people think.  This is me as a more than middle aged woman.

I have been known to tweet that the phrases ‘at  my age’ or ‘look your age’ should be banned, but to no avail it seems. Do all 16 year olds look or act the same? Or 18, or 20, or 30 year olds? Of course they don’t. So guess what – neither do 40/50/60/70 … year olds.  Do you know why? Because we all look and act according to our own individual (remember that word) persona. It’s called being yourself. The only thing that age is responsible for is the natural deterioration of the body and its severity is dependant on an individual’s  health, lifestyle and genetics – it doesn’t necessarily represent some awful decline.

But this is not a contest and another myth is that older women who dare to challenge the image or behaviour of that ‘certain age’ are trying to be young again. Naturally we would all prefer our bodies to perform as well as possible. Our joints not to ache, our muscles to retain strength and flexibility. But do we dream of being a young girl again? Just because we continue to try and maintain our attractiveness, our sexuality, our style, why assume that we are emulating the days of our youth? If you used to love rock or reggae or funk, do you give up listening to it after a certain age? Should you stop dancing for fear of looking undignified? If you loved a certain look, maybe black or multi coloured outfits, bold makeup or being barefaced, a distinguished or demure look. A bohemian or sensual style. Does your age transform your preferences? Should you cover up, tone down? Cut your hair and go beige? Only tap your feet demurely? Try to blend in and pursue only ‘age appropriate’ activities? OF COURSE NOT.

How you look, whatever your beauty regime, whatever gives your life meaning, your opinions, the way you talk, your preferred activities, your sexuality – all of it is just the same ‘you’ throughout life regardless of the passing years. So the next time you hear someone moan and tut about a not young woman wearing this or that or ‘letting herself down’ with this or that behaviour or using the stupid expression ‘mutton dressed as lamb’ - just laugh at them. Their view is old fashioned, tarnished by media propaganda and anyway being older means you don’t care. Hold that thought close!